


I have never been disappointed with you before

by mrsgreenworld



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom
Genre: Disappointment, F/M, Guilt, Hospitals, Post 6x02, injuries, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-20 11:25:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12431826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsgreenworld/pseuds/mrsgreenworld
Summary: Now that Diggle is the Green Arrow what can it mean for the team?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A / N: After watching 6x02 I got this idea in my head. I remembered the line about being mad / disappointed that S. Amell mentioned. There has been some speculation about the person Oliver could address this to. And with the recent turn of events I think it is very likely to be Diggle. But, of course, I couldn't help adding some Olicity in the mix. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one-shot. 
> 
> Forgive any mistakes or misspells. 
> 
> Btw, I do not own Arrow or any of its characters.

 

Oliver bursts through a hospital door and all but runs to the reception desk yelling:

_«Where??! Where is she??!»_

A scared nurse looks at him with wide eyes.

_«Wh-what?... Mr Queen...»_

_«Felicity Smoak. She should have been brought in around 30 minutes ago, an hour tops»_

The nurse doesn't even ask him any questions, just quickly looks through the data on her computer.

_«She's in a surgery right now. Several bullet wounds. Some other injuries. I am sorry, Mr Queen, I cannot give you any details. You should talk to a doctor after the surgery is over. But from what I've heard, it's nothing critical»_ a young woman tries to give him a reassuring smile.

It does nothing to reassure or calm him.

Oliver climbs to the second floor. There, in a waiting room, he finds the team: Curtis, Rene, Dinah, Lance. Everyone, except John.

Dinah is the first to notice and approach him:

_«Oliver, hey...»_

_«What the hell happened??! And where is John?»_

_«He was with... us. He drove us all to the hospital»_ Dinah says awkwardly.

_«What happened?»_ Oliver asks again harshly.

_«Well... emm... Me, John and Felicity were out in the field...»_

_«Wait, what??! What the hell was she doing in the field?»_ Oliver doesn't yell but his voice is deadly and the look on his face is murdurous.

_«Yes, she went out in the field. It was necessary. We were tracking one guy who could potentially have ties with Black Siren. We found the guy. But Felicity needed to plant some tech into his computer so he could lead us to Black Siren. The guy is paranoid and keeps all his records and data very secure, Felicity couldn't crack his computer distantly. Me and John had her back»_

_«Well, apparently, you didn't»_ Oliver snaps.

He quickly composes himself.

_«I apologise. Can you, please, continue?»_

_«Long story short: we got made. Then we got separated»_ Dinah hesitates and looks away.

_«Then what?»_

_«Then I heard gun shots and glass breaking. One of the goons... he shot her and... she fell through a window»_

**WHAT???**

_**Oh, God...** _

He must have moaned in pain because Dinah hurried to add:

_«Thankfully, it was only the second floor. So, she probably just has some bruises and concussion»_

Like that should make him feel any better.

_«John... Where... where is he? And where was he when that happened?»_

The team exchanges worried looks.

_«He was with her»_ Dinah admits quietly.

_«Then... how?»_

_«I think you should talk to John about this»_

He doesn't go to find and talk to John. He waits with the others. Soon a doctor comes out to say that the surgery went well. They extracted two bullets from Felicity's arm and her side. Luckily, no vital organs were hit. But Felicity did have a concussion and few cracked and bruised ribs. Turns out, his girl took her attacker with her and, when they fell through a window, the guy softened her fall.

Unlike the last time she was in hospital, when she woke up alone, this time he is there. He wouldn't leave her side for the world.

She greets him with a croaked:

_«Hey, stranger»_

_«Hey, yourself»_ he softly utters taking her hand in his, squeezing it and then lifting it to his lips.

_«_ _**God** _ _, you scared me...»_ he whispers closing his eyes and pressing fevered kisses into her knuckles, her fingers, her palm.

_«Hey, hey... I am ok. I was actually pretty badass. You shoul've seen it. You would've been proud»_

_«I am proud. Always have been. So damn proud and in complete owe of you»_

He stands from a plastic hospital chair to sit right beside her on the bed.

_«But you don't need to go out in the field to be badass. I don't want you to be badass at all if that means you get hurt»_

He bites on his tongue when he sees a familiar fire come to life in her eyes.

_«Well, that's not up to you. It has never been and it certainly isn't now»_ she shots back.

It stings. And, because she knows and can read him so damn well, her face, her eyes and voice instantly soften:

_«I am sorry. That was mean. And harsh. And unfair to you. I know you're just worried. But... now you know how I felt every time you went out in the field. Yet, I knew you had to. So did I tonight. I did what was necessary. And you don't need to worry about me right now. I am fine. You have enough on your plate as it is»_

He looks at her in confusion:

_«What do you mean, right now? I'm always gonna worry about you»_

_«I know that. But I am fine. No need to babysit me. Plus the gang is here. I won't be alone»_

He really doesn't like where this conversation is going. He shifts on the bed uncomfortably, letting go of her hand a little bit but not completely.

_«I am confused. Are you trying to kick me out?»_

_«Err... not really»_ and she finally smiles for the first time since waking up.

The smile is playing on her lips when she adds more seriously:

_«I don't want you to go. But I cannot keep you here either»_

_«You are not keeping me here. I am here because I want to be here. Because I_ _**need** _ _to»_

_«No, Oliver, what you need is to be with your son»_

_«Not right now. God, I really hope that it doesn't sound awful but he can manage himself for one evening. He's got Raisa with him. And he knows what happened, he knows I am with you. He said that he understands, that it was okay»_

_«Oliver, just because he said it's okay doesn't mean_ _**he's actually** _ _okay with it._ _**He** _ _has to be your priority right now, no matter what. He needs you, he's your family»_

_«And you are not?»_

_«I don't know what I am to you»_

Her quiet admission strikes him so hard that he actually recoils like from a physical blow.

_«How can you say that? Don't you... don't you know that you are my whole world? William is too now but that doesn't mean that you are suddenly less important to me. That I love you any less. You_ _**are** _ _my_ _**family** _ _. And now I am more than ever want all of us to be a family together»_

She closes her eyes and a few tears sneak out from under her closed lids. He brushes them away. Then he leans closer to her, touching her forehead with his, and whispers:

_«Roger that?»_

_«Yeah»_ she chokes out and nods frantically.

_«Good»_ he smiles and kisses the tip of her nose.

_«Now tell me what happened. Dinah said you got separated...»_

_«We did. But what happened was totally my fault. John had nothing to do with that»_

His leans back to look her in the eye and his brow furrows. But he drops the subject for now. He sees that her eyes are starting to droop closed. Their conversation has tired her out enough.

_«You need to rest. I will be here till you fall asleep, ok?»_

_«Mhm...»_

_«Are you in pain?»_

_«Uh-uh...»_

He smiles and kisses her forehead, whispering a soft _**I love you** _ into her skin.

Only when he is sure she's deeply asleep, he leaves her hospital room and heads to the Bunker to get some answers.

Oliver doesn't ask anyone on the team about John's whereabouts, he just knows where to find him.

And he is right.

The sight that meets him is... something. Oliver has seen John Diggle like this only a couple of times. The last one after John was forced to shoot his own brother.

John Diggle, this huge soldier, this rock of a man, sits hunched over at Felicity's station, in her chair. It's not like Felicity has ever banned anyone from sitting in her chair but, for some weird reason, John has never taken a seat there. Until now.

When John hears Oliver approach he lifts his head and looks at him with wide red and... guilty eyes.

_«Hey, John. I am just from the hospital. She woke up. She is ok. Few bruises, concussion... Well, there are also two bullet wounds... That's my least favourite part. But our girl is tough. She is gonna be fine»_

John only nods, dropping his eyes to the floor.

_«What happened, John?»_ Oliver hopes he doesn't sound like he's accusing John, that's the last thing the other man needs right now.

_«It's been going on for quite a while. Back on the island... I was caught up in a blast, some debris hit me square in my right shoulder. I have some serious nerve damage. It wasn't noticeable at first but then... I couldn't take a shot. My hands started to shake. Remember Rene? When he got into hospital?»_

_«That... that was you? You missed?»_ Oliver asks in utter shock and disbelief.

_«Yeah. And after that it only started to get worse»_

_«And you didn't tell me??! After Rene? Why didn't you tell me about it when I asked you to replace me as the Green Arrow??! How could you have agreed to that?»_

_«You needed someone to take your place. Who else could it be?»_

_«We would've figured something out! God, John!...»_ Oliver runs his hands over his face.

Then, suddenly, as if he's realised something, Oliver tenses up:

_«You knew you couldn't protect Felicity and yet took her with you out in the field. You did it even though you knew you couldn't ensure her safety»_

_«I am sorry, Oliver, I am so sorry... I know I should've told you everything...»_

_«She got_ _**shot** _ _, John!_ _**Again!** _ _Twice! Two bullets pierced her body and then she fell through a goddamn window!»_ emotions are raging inside of him but Oliver doesn't raise his voice.

_«I am more mad at myself then you are at me...»_

_«No, John! I am not mad»_ Oliver says forcefully.

_«I've have been mad at you before but I have never been disappointed. Intil now. Every time you went out in the field you knew you were compromised and yet you didn't tell the team or me about it. John Diggle that I know would never, ever, jeorpardise other people like that, jeopardise our Felicity,_ _**my Felicity** _ _, like that...»_

He cannot deal with John's guilt that is written all over his face right now.

_«I... I need to process this. And I need to go see my son. And then I have to be with her»_

He turns to leave, then hesitates and says without looking back:

_«You should also visit her. And after that, tomorrow or when she is better, we will figure out how to help you. But until then you are out of the suit and off the streets»_

All Oliver hears is loaded heavy silence behind him as he is moving towards the way out of the Bunker.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A / N: First of all: OH MY GOD 6X04!!!!!!! I've been having really tough time lately, life officially sucked. And it's the first time I've felt this... easy. And light. I don't remember the last time when I actually squealed with joy. And 6x04 gave me that. It was my get away from reality. And if I cannot be happy now I am so glad that I could at least bathe in the happiness, love, support and understanding that my Babies emitted in 6x04.   
> Back to this story that started as a one-shot. I was really encouraged to continue it. So, here is the second chapter. It's going to be the last. I honestly wanted to write a scene with William but after John's «drug» problem was revealed I decided to include the scene that addresses this issue. It seemed more important than bringing in another character.   
> I hope you won't be disappointed with the continuation. Please, let me know what you think and forgive any mistakes and missplells.   
> And of course: I do not own Arrow or any of its characters. But I love them dearly.   
> P.S. I am not sure how old William is so I went with 11. I am not sure but I think when Oliver met William in Season 4 the kid was 9. Maybe I just imagined that it had been mentioned =)

John Diggle's heavy footsteps echo in dimly lit hospital stairway. He climbs to the second floor and opens the door to a half-empty hall. As he is moving past numerous patient's and consultation rooms, he sees several nurses drifting along the hallway, opening doors and checking on patients. He finally stops at one of the doors only to hear familiar voices coming from the inside. One voice is soothing and gentle, another one is approaching Loud Voice territory. 

_ «Are you out of your mind, Oliver? I cannot just drop at your and William's home, not with everything going on. Not when he is still adjusting and so vulnerable. How are you even going to explain it? The kid has seen me like a handful of times. And now I am coming to live with you?» _

_ «Why not? He really likes you. When we went out for dinner he was so excited. And I gave you the key so this was bound to happen. I mean you were gonna start using it...» _

_ «I wasn't» _

Even John flinches at that.

_ «What?» _ he hears hurt in Oliver's voice. 

_ «I... It's not because I don't want to, Oliver. I... We cannot do this, any of this - me having and using the key, staying the night, living together — without William's consent» _

_ «Felicity, he is eleven. He cannot give his consent on something like this. I will do anything for him, I will always put him first but... I doesn't mean I have to build my whole life around him, only around him. It's not just his life» _

_ «Oliver...» _

_ «No, Felicity. To you it may sound and look selfish. And maybe I am being selfish. Because I miss you and I need you. But I am not doing it only for myself. I am also doing it for him. I know that you are good for him. He also needs you. He needs a family, a real family. Someone else beside me so he never has to fear being left alone if something happens to me» _

There is silence on the other side of the door and then John hears Felicity's grumble:

_ «Damn you and your persuasion skills» _

Oliver chuckles at that and John cracks a smile. 

He lifts his hand to knock and then quietly pushes the door. 

He's met with the sight that warms his heart. 

His two closest friends are sitting on Felicity's hospital bed facing each other and smiling like two lovesick fools that they undoubtedly are. Their foreheads are touching and Oliver's hand is cupping Felicity's cheek, his thumb gently brushing her cheekbone. 

When they hear the door open, they both turn their heads slightly. 

Felicity's face immediately brightens up:

_ «John! Why are you standing in the doorway? Come in!» _

John offers her a small smile and moves inside, closing the door behind him. 

When he looks at Oliver, the other man only curtly nods without uttering even a single word. 

It doesn't go unnoticed because Felicity slaps Oliver on the arm earning an Ow! from the big guy.

_ «What is it you think you are doing? This whole silent treatment thing is so passive aggressive, Mister. If you keep this up I think I might move in with John and Lyla. You wouldn't mind, right, John?» _

_ «Wouldn't mind at all. I even think that Lyla and JJ like having you around more than me»  _

Felicity looks at Oliver with a teasing smile:

_ «See? You've got competition»  _

_ «Oh, no. Uh-uh. I am not sharing you again» _

_ «You never had to share me» _

_ «I did, actually» _

And just like that all the teasing and lightness is gone. Oliver's face turns serious and a bit sad, Felicity goes to open her mouth as if to ask him to clarify what he means, but then realisation dawns on her. She remembers Ray, Billy... There's no accusation in the air. Just regret that, John knows, they both undeniably feel. 

Oliver clears his throat and stands from Felicity's bed:

_ «I am sorry... I... I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out»  _

Felicity grasps and squeezes his hand. His smiles at her.

_ «I better go, give you and John some time alone. I will come back later» _ he says with a tone that breaks no argument. 

_ «Roger that» _ Felicity says with a smile.

_ «I most likely won't be alone. William asked about you. He's really worried» _

Felicity doesn't say anything to that but her eyes fill with tears and her face shines with gratitude. 

Oliver gives her a short but firm kiss on the forehead and then looks at John:

_ «See you, John. Say hello to Lyla and JJ for me» _

This time John is the one who nods without saying anything. Truth to be told, he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to do to make this better. To make his best friend and brother forget that horror of almost losing the love of his life yet again. 

Oliver retreats leaving John and Felicity alone.

John moves to sit beside Felicity's bed. 

_ «How are you feeling?» _ he asks gently. 

He takes time to study her, surveying her from head to toes.

_ «I am great. Ready to get out of here. You know how much I hate hospitals» _ Felicity says this with lightness but John immediately feels the weight of guilt crushing him. 

_ «Felicity, I am...» _

But Felicity doesn't let him finish:

_ «No, stop right there. It wasn't your fault. Not really. Do I wish you had told us about what's been going on with you? Hell, yes! You had to trust us on this, John. I thought... I thought that at least I deserved that much... For me... for me you are family, John» _

_ «And you are family for me as well. That's... that wasn't about trust, Felicity» _

Felicity lets out a short bitter laugh at that:

_ «Yeah, I wonder where I heard that before» _

_ «Felicity, I am sure you are sick of hearing this but it really wasn't about you. The same goes for Oliver. You know that. It has never been about not trusting you. There's nothing wrong with  _ _ **you** _ _. It's just us. It's  _ _ **me** _ _ » _

_ «So what is it, John? What's going on with you?» _

Felicity reaches for his hand, genuine concern written all over her face. 

_ «I... I don't know. I think... I think that at the beginning everyone just had too much on their plates. Especially Oliver. And I didn't want,  _ _ **I couldn't** _ _ , add my problems into the mix. And it was only my problem back then. But... after it started affecting me in the field... I guess, I just didn't want to acknowledge that I had a problem. Because accepting it, saying it out loud, would make it... real. And I could lose it all. I could lose the purpose that we've found together. I could lose... all of you» _

_ «You will never lose me, John. I think we have just established that we are family. And neither of us need to be a part the Green Arrow to  _ _ **stay** _ _ family» _

_ «I know... In my heart I know this. But I guess this trauma... it messed up my head, Felicity. And... there is something else that clouded my judgement» _

_ «What is it?» _

Instead of answering John reaches into his pocket and extracts a syringe filled with yellow substance. 

Felicity's eyes get comically huge when she sees the syringe.

_ «Oh my God, John! What... what's  _ _ **that?!** _ _ What did you get yourself into?» _

John swallows and says with a tremor in his voice:

_ «I need help, Felicity» _

  
  



End file.
